Stuck Between Staying and Leaving? 5 Questions to Ask Yourself Before Making a Decision.

Deciding whether to stay in a relationship or leave is rarely simple. Doubt can creep in, and the weight of the decision can feel overwhelming. If you’re caught in this uncertainty, know that you’re not alone. Discernment counseling is designed to help couples navigate this exact crossroads, giving you space to reflect rather than rush into a decision. Before making any moves, consider these five crucial questions to help you gain clarity.

1. Am I leaning out because of burnout or because I’m truly done?

Long-term relationships require effort, and exhaustion can sometimes masquerade as disconnection. Are you feeling depleted because of recent stressors, or do you genuinely feel the relationship no longer serves you? Differentiating between burnout and being truly ready to leave is key to making a thoughtful decision.

2. Have I addressed my own patterns, or am I hoping leaving will solve them?

We all bring our own wounds and relational patterns into relationships. If you find yourself in similar struggles across multiple relationships, it might be worth exploring whether personal growth, rather than a new relationship, is what’s truly needed. Identifying your own triggers and patterns can help determine if the relationship itself is the issue or if deeper personal work is needed.

3. Am I seeing the relationship clearly, or am I stuck in old wounds?

Emotional pain from past experiences—whether childhood wounds, past betrayals, or unresolved conflicts—can cloud how we perceive our partners. Are you reacting to the present reality of the relationship, or are old hurts shaping your decision? Therapy can help you distinguish between the two and move forward with greater awareness.

4. What would need to change for me to stay? Is that possible?

If you could wave a magic wand and change the relationship, what would be different? Is that change something both you and your partner are capable of working toward? Sometimes, the issue isn’t an unwilling partner but rather a lack of tools to navigate change effectively. Exploring what’s possible can provide insight into whether staying is an option.

5. What does my body tell me when I imagine leaving versus staying?

Your nervous system is a powerful source of wisdom. When you picture leaving, do you feel relief, anxiety, or sadness? When you picture staying, do you feel warmth, tension, or fear? Paying attention to your body’s response can offer clarity that words alone cannot.

Clarity doesn’t mean certainty, but it does mean you have a deeper understanding of what’s right for you. If you’re feeling stuck, discernment counseling offers a structured, short-term process to help couples explore whether to rebuild their relationship or part ways with confidence.

Ready for guidance? book a Consultation today.